Dear Sugar Daddy
Friday, July 19th, 2013Last night was the strangest poetry night ever. It was the regular Wednesday open mic at the Ugly Mug in Orange. Rachel McKibbens, poet, activist, and essayist was the featured poet. The place was packed and I was sitting in a puddle of sweat form both the summer heat and my nerves. I was planning to read a new poem I wrote, Dear Sugar Daddy, but I was nervous. The poem was different from anything I had written before.
As the open mic got started, it was announced that we could read two poems or four minutes. Typically it is three poems, five minutes. But, there were so many people to see Rachel we would have been there till Friday if they kept to the usual guidelines. My poem was close to five minutes. I wouldn’t be able to read it. I was so disappointed. Raundi, my BFF and partner in crime suggested I cut some parts. I considered it, but I would either have to cut the funny stuff or the profound stuff. I decided for the integrity of the piece, to not cut any stuff and save it for another night.
A few minutes later, once comfortable with my decision, Ben Trigg, one of the Two Idiots Peddling poetry, sadly announced that Rachel would not be performing tonight. She had a family emergency. Again, another disappointment. Rachel is a truly remarkable poet. Her candor is both painful and powerful. But through her words, she brings true healing to those who have known suffering.
But, as happens in life, when one door closes, another opens. Because Rachel would not be performing, poets would have the usual three poems or five minutes.
So, it seems the stars were aligned in my favor last night because I was able to read my poem. And, I was truly grateful for the response. It was a hit. But, I will let you decide. Per a friend’s request, I have posted it below.
By the way, Rachel’s family emergency: a family member came into the Ugly Mug ranting and raving about Rachel not telling the truth, blah, blah, blah. Honestly, her behavior made it impossible to believe any of her rants only to confirm the beautiful power of Rachel’s poetry. Keep on writing Rachel. There are those of us that want to hear what you have to say. Actually, we need to hear what you have to say.
Here is a link to her website: http://www.rachelmckibbens.com/
And a link to Two Idiots Peddling Poetry: http://www.poetryidiots.com/
Oh Henry, it was not because of Clark
You would have killed me before long if I continued to indulge in your divine sweetness.
Like oxygen is to fire
You stoked my sweet tooth
And fed my cancer
How I craved you
Your milk chocolate Kisses
And Gummi bear hugs
Melted me
And that almond nougat center of yours
Stuck to my insides
Your Laffy Taffy tongue could undo me in one licking
And the way you commanded those black licorice whips
You brought me to my knees
I prayed for salvation
As you placed Necco Wafers in my palm
Body of Christ
Amen
I still remember the day we met
I hit Payday
You were pure Almond Joy
With your Strawberry Starburst smile
And Milky Way eyes
I was on Cloud 9
You always had that affect on me
Like the day we played Double Dare with X rated candy hearts
You wrapped me in Bubble Gum Tape
Tootsie Rolled me in your Pop Rocks quarry
And Fun Dipped me in your old fashioned soda fountain
I was a red hot Atomic Fireball
Boom
Or the time we arm wrestled for first Dibs on that blue raspberry flavored Blow Pop
You won
The bubble popped
The gum stuck in my hair
We tried to wash it out with peanut butter cups
But it was of no use
I had to cut it all off
Every last strand
I knew then that I was in love
Then there was that infamous night you gave me a candy diamond ring
Down on one knee
You asked me to marry you
I slowly sucked the precious stone down to the stump
My saliva dissolving the red jewel down to a syrupy puddle in my heart
And said “yes”
You were my Sugar Daddy
And I wanted to have your sugar babies
Damn, how I loved to climb your Mountain Dew six pack
Count how many licks it took to get to your Tootsie Roll center
Tickle your skittles
Wiggle your Joe Joe’s
Butterfinger your Doughnut hole
And get lost in your package of Whoppers
Drunk on your liquid cherry cordial insides
I would howl at the Peppermint Patty Moon
While I prayed to the Sugar gods for more
But like all good things, it had to come to an end
I could not live on sugar alone
My doctor said no more
To keep my cancer from coming back
We were both devastated
After being joined at the hip, like melted Junior Mints
But instead of ending things, I became bitter
Trying to change you
I stripped you from your bright colors, sugar coating and gooey caramel filling
Took away your nuts, your sprinkles and your Good Humor candy center crunch
But as I tried to soften your insides it only hardened your shell
And we ended up in Big Hunk fights
When I finally realized changing you would not work
I tried to quit cold turkey, complete abstinence
I cleaned out my cupboards, threw out my hidden stash
And poured every ounce of you down the drain
But I became delirious
And my hallucinations got the best of me
Gummi worms were crawling all over my skin and Swedish Fish were swimming in my eyeballs
I could not take it
So lastly, I attempted to replace you with other sweeteners
But there was no substitute for you
I was in such denial baby
Quitting you was like trying to bite through a jawbreaker
You were my crack
My Dopamine Ding Dong
Bursts of euphoria would rocket me straight to Mars when you entered my bloodstream
I was addicted
No amount of Good and Plenty could satisfy me
And, my willpower was no match to your Pixie Stick
How I wanted to pour every last sugary granule down my throat
Let you dissolve in my mouth
Enter my veins
And travel to every corner of my being
Until one day, I hit Rock Candy bottom
I could not bear to live without you
So, I drank an entire case of Coca-Cola
Swallowed the Bottle Caps too
And hung myself from the rafters with Red Cherry Twists
They untwisted
I fell to the ground
Smashing into a thousand little Reese’s Pieces
That was when I finally admitted I was powerless over you
And came to believe that a Power greater than us could restore me to sanity
I began to let go
Joined AA
Went to my meetings
Found a Mentos
Read my literature
And worked my 12 step program
They were my Lifesaver
Since my spiritual awakening, I live a healthier life style
Green juice and flax seed cookies have replaced those late night candy bars, butterscotches and lemon drops
But I still long for you
Dreaming of those sweet lazy daze tangled in each other’s arms
Giggling at the comic strips wrapped around little pink Bazooka rectangles
Melted, hot, and sticky in a pile of wrappers and empty bottles of root beer
Puffing on bubble gum cigarettes
While the room filled with powdered sugar smoke