My Dark Side

 

“All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;

The old that is strong does not wither,

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,

A light from the shadows shall spring;

Renewed shall be blade that was broken,

The crownless again shall be king.”

 -J.R.R. Tolkein The Fellowship of the Rings

 

 Thank you Ms. Raundi Moore Kondo and Daniel McGinn for helping me get in touch with my dark side.

I am very excited to report that I have taken control of my late night binges and I have lost five pounds this last week.  It feels good not only to fit into my jeans again, but to take back control of something that was beginning to control me.  It is very empowering.

It seems something clicked deep within me after writing my blog on “nothing” last week.  It wasn’t a light bulb moment exactly.  It was more of an understanding.  Writing does that for me.  Or, shall I say the process of writing.  As I take all of those jumbled ideas in my brain, transfer them to a blank piece of paper in an organized fashion, things start to make more sense to me and I can finally understand what I am going through at that time.  And, because I am an over thinker, it feels almost orgasmic to release all that gobbly gook in my head and put it somewhere for safe keeping.  Ahhhh….. It’s a bit like Dumbledore’s Pensieve.   

But some gobbly gook runs so deep that a blog is not enough.  About 95 % of who we really are is hidden in the subterranean level of our being, the subconscious.  These are things that we are not wholly conscious of, or are only partially conscious of, hence the term subconsious.    

So when writing my blog isn’t enough, there is poetry.  Poetry goes where no man has gone before.  It delves into the bottomless caverns of my soul and pulls things out I didn’t even know were lurking in the depths.  And, when I am able to turn my inner editor off, wowzers, I am amazed at what emerges on the blank white pages.  It is truly eye opening, sometimes even shocking. 

It seems I have quite the dark side.  We all do, in fact.  Carl Jung calls it our “Shadow.”  “It is all that lies outside the light of consciousness, both negative and positive.”  “Everyone carries a shadow,” says Jung, “and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.”  

Jung also believed that the shadow is the “seat of creativity.”  So to become more fully conscious the key is to bring some of this Shadow out into the light. 

How?  Our behaviors are one way.  Another way:  music, art and poetry!  Anything creative!    

So, I have decided to get naked in front of all of you today and bare my attempts to shed some light on my dark side through my poetry.

Happy Reading! 

Repeat

Wrap your lips around me

Inhale me deep

Feel me enter your lungs

Your blood stream

Your heart

Hold

Relax

Breathe out

Long

Steady

Into the air

Flick

Wrap your lips around me

Inhale me deep

Feel me enter your lungs

Your blood stream

Your heart

Hold

Relax

Breathe out

Long

Steady

Into the air

Flick

Repeat

Flick

Repeat

Flick

Repeat

Till you have sucked every last bit of me

Down to the final ash

Till there is nothing left to savor

Nothing left to appreciate

Nothing left

Toss me away

Stomp out my fire

Drag me across the concrete with your rubber sole

Still craving more

You bum another

Repeat

 

Forgive ME

Milky white skin, innocent

Jaded by the sun and wind

Clear brown eyes

Dilated by dark chocolate desires

Happy pills, men’s whiskers and coyote tricksters

Longing to fire dance and dance with fire

Naked on a bear skin rug

I shift shape and shape shift

Hand and foot, foot and hand

It’s easy to do

Sugar daddy comes

Making empty promises

Yearning takes hold

Like an empty chair

Inviting, calling

Come to me

Drink me

Lick me

Eat me

 

You squeeze me like two pieces of paper

Bound between a paper clip

Eavesdrop on my heart

Through your snake like stethoscope

Cough on me with vengeance

Spewing your guts

Pound me with your fully semi-automatic assault rifle

Leaving me riddled with holes

Drill me to the core

Flooding me with your liquid venom

Bite me

Till teeth marks pierce my body

Tears drown all hope

Blood turns yellow

And my breasts deflate, dragging on the ground from the weight of you

 

Lying

Your lying makes a loud sound

Like glass shattering

On Saltillo tile

Shards perforate my ear drum

Pierce my body

Stab my gut

And break my already tender heart

Confused and

Riddled with jagged razor sharp fragments

I hang from the rafters

Like constellations in the sky

Trying to pick up the pieces

Some too tiny to reach

Some too big to grasp

All to sharp to forget

 

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