Fuck Yes!

Fuck Yes

Why do we do things we do not want to do? Now, I’m not talking about things we have to do like working to earn money for food and a roof over our head, paying taxes, or going to school (actually we don’t have to go to school but that is for another blog). I am talking about volunteering to chair a fundraising event, working a booth at the state fair, staying late at work, giving your lazy ass pot smoking forty year old son that still lives at home money, or coaching a kid’s soccer team because no one else will do it. I’m talking about going out to dinner with our spouse’s co-workers friend of a friend when we really wanted to stay home and watch The Walking Dead. I am talking about having sex when we’d rather not.

My point is that many of us agree to do things we really do not want to do. We say yes when we want to say no. Because the feelings of guilt, responsibility or simply the lack of courage to say no win out, we go to dinner when we are not hungry, take that position we have no time for, or have sex with that guy we really are not that into. Women are especially prone to this type of behavior and/or selfless martyrdom. Many of us were raised to give in, be nice, and make sacrifices even at our own expense. But to our own detriment, we have become people pleasers, feeling it is our responsibility to make other’s happy. And, if we are really honest with ourselves, somewhere deep down inside we are terrified that we will not be liked or accepted or even loved if we say no.

I’m here to tell you this is not true. In fact, it is quite the opposite. When we say no to something we do not want to do, it actually puts us in a correct relationship with ourselves. People will respect us and we will respect us. It’s a win win. So for those of you that struggle with this, it is time to say no. Take back your respect and your power and say no to those things you truly do not want to do, to those things that do not serve you, the ones that do not sit well in your soul. Because when we say no to someone else, we are actually saying yes to ourselves. And, perhaps when we have the courage to say no, when we are being true to ourselves, we will inspire others to do the same and our daughters and daughter’s daughters will be free of this insidious unhealthy pattern.

I would also like to point out that “no” is a complete sentence. There is no need to explain yourself. You do not need a reason or an excuse.

I heard a woman say the other day that the word “no” is way too harsh of a word for her to use so she chooses to say, “I’d rather not.” That works too.

And to all of you Mother Teresa’s out there, I promise that saying no is not selfish. I have said this before but I will say it again because I also need reminded at times. It is not selfish to take care of ourselves and make our happiness a priority. It is necessary. That does not mean that we should not be “in service” to others. It means we have to take care of ourselves in order to be in service to others.

We may even find a tremendous burden has been lifted when we say no. Why? Because many of us say yes too often, over commit ourselves, become scattered, and our lives become unmanageable. We end up with no time or energy to focus on our own lives. But when we say no the burden is lifted, opening up space and time for ourselves. Yes, we may disappoint someone but again, we are not responsible for other people’s happiness. The only power we have is over our own lives.

Now, as you know, I am a huge advocate for saying yes to life and new opportunities. I believe in taking risks and putting ourselves out there. Like Helen Keller reminds us, “Life is a daring adventure or nothing at all.” So, go ahead and say yes but be choosy about your yesses and once you say yes, make sure you mean it. Entrepreneur Derek Sivers wrote, “If I’m not saying “Hell Yeah!” to something than I say no.” Amen Mr. Silvers, I love this but I think it should be more like “Fuck Yeah!” And, I am not the only one.

Mark Manson wrote in his blog about relationships, “If it’s not “Fuck Yes,” its no.” He was referring to that gray area that relationships can fall into; that uncomfortable confusing space, when you wonder why she flirts with you but tells you she is not interested, or why it takes him days to call you back or return a text. Manson explains that if you have to ask whether someone is into you or not, if you are analyzing every little thing about the “relationship,” you are in that grey area, and you have already lost. He or she is simply not that into you. Yes, it may be painful to accept but why, he asks, would you ever choose to be with someone who is not excited to be with you? It is either a “Fuck Yes” or it is no.

Love love love this.

He then goes on to explain his Law of “Fuck Yes or no” as he calls it. The law states that when we want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, they must inspire us to say “Fuck Yes” in order for us to proceed with them. It also states that “they” must respond to us with a “Fuck Yes” as well in order to proceed.

So, my dear Kevin, “Fuck Yes!” I Love you!

One Response to “Fuck Yes!”

  1. Kevin Says:

    I love you. Fuck yes!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>