The Gift of Gab

It has been two weeks since I last posted on my blog.  I chalk it up to the fact that I have been so busy talking I haven’t had time to write.  I like to talk.  I actually love to talk especially when I’m involved in a deep stimulating conversation.

I have been quite lucky these past two weeks to have some perfect opportunities for meaningful conversations. Friday night was a fabulous happy hour that almost extended into the midnight hour.   We talked about everything from Trader Joe’s wines and the perfect paring of cheeses, to retro chic home décor and what makes a long lasting marriage.  Saturday was a warm evening with intelligent creative women at a poetry workshop where we shared our stories and of course, our drama, for without the drama there would be no material for our art.  Sunday was spent with several families that I have never met before from many different cultures sharing food, drink and laughter on a 75 ft. sail boat about to leave for a trip around the world, an entire weekend full of brilliant, inspirational, meaningful conversation with friends.  Yeehaw! 

Not all my weekends are so fulfilling.   Sometimes they are quite boring and mundane where the highlight of my Saturday night is cleaning up cat throw up off the carpet.  And as much as I love my family, conversations with my husband and my kids are not the same as a conversation with my girlfriends.  I just read a book, “Hand Wash Cold”, Care instructions for an Ordinary Life, by a Zen priestess, Karen Maezen Miller.  She said that her husband is not her best friend he is her husband.  Her best friend, a woman, lives in Texas.  I love this perspective.  Husbands play an important role for sure but women need women.  And, when it comes to gabbing, women do it best.  

I do not want to imply that men are not good conversationalists.  Every once in a while I run into a man with the gift of gab.  This is rare but great fun when the opportunity arises.  It isn’t every day that I get a peek into a man’s thoughts and ideas besides getting the score of today’s football game or getting a lesson in the best way to open a beer without a bottle opener.   Ok, I’m exaggerating a bit but generally speaking men don’t share their deepest feelings like women do. That’s why women have women friends and men have men friends.  

I thrive on conversations.  And I admit that I create as many opportunities as possible for conversations to erupt.  I go to park day every Tuesday afternoon where at least ten other homeschooling women and their children are guaranteed, a plethora of conversation possibility.  I plan chat dates at Starbucks, girls’ nights out, and today I went on a hike with my girlfriend, Raundi.  The hike was her idea so I know I’m not the only one out there with the same need.  We talked and hiked for two hours but it felt like 15 minutes, absolute conversational bliss.  

I don’t want to leave out the benefits of conversations with my kids, again, not the same as chatting with your girlfriends, but definitely worth it.  If you listen, kids have a lot to say.  I set the table for dinner at least five out of seven nights a week.  We turn off the T.V., light candles or not, and chat.  It’s a great time to find out about my kid’s day, or talk about politics, sports, religion, their latest love or gossip.  Sometimes our conversations resort to bodily noises, but it is conversation nonetheless.  I have learned quite a bit about my kids while eating meatloaf, maybe even some things I didn’t need to know but it was the most enlightening meatloaf I ever had.  Oprah says that families that  eat together stay together.   

A good conversation can be as delicious as chocolate cake, as exciting as sex on the beach and as fulfilling as a good book.  In fact, studies show that there is an endorphin release in women when we are active participants in girl chat, relieving stress and boosting the immune system.  But, honestly it does more than that.  Conversation brings us together.  It gives us a chance to bond, to realize we are not alone in this big and sometimes scary world and makes us feel alive.  It creates an opportunity to learn about each other and in turn, to learn about our self.  

Sometimes, I have some pretty interesting conversations when I am completely alone but that gets old fast.  We need feedback.   Nothing feeds my soul like a good meaningful conversation.  Without it I would wither and die.  As one woman stated in a book called “Women Talk” by Jennifer Coates, conversation with other women is “absolutely fundamental…the blood of life.”  Our bodies go into shock and die if we lose too much blood.  Need I say more?

5 Responses to “The Gift of Gab”

  1. Bobbi Says:

    Amen sister, amen…

    Bobbi

  2. Tweets that mention The Yes Mom » Blog Archive » The Gift of Gab -- Topsy.com Says:

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Christine , Karen Maezen Miller. Karen Maezen Miller said: In the spirit of Kate & William, answer this: Is your husband your best friend? http://fb.me/NlprELta […]

  3. Cyndi Says:

    I’m happy to be able to partake of this “lifeblood” more and more. {HUG}

  4. Colleen Says:

    This is a great read! I go to my boys’ soccer practice twice a week simply so I can talk with the other moms! I am all about great coversations. I also loved the comment about your best friend not being your husband…

  5. clare Says:

    I think men and women actually do talk differently. If you listen to conversations between men, other than those who have found that very rare commodity, a man they can truly trust and be themselves with, men have what I call parallel play. If they are good at it they make it sound like conversation, but it is actually turn taking one-up-manship. Women who barely know each other will reassure each other that they are far worse mothers than the other, or have the same weakness and will find an almost instantaneous bond. Men, on the other hand, will tend (I say, tend, because among our circle of families such men are actually rare) to let the other know how he found a better car deal, or made better investment decisions, while making it seem like helpful information. Women seem to thrive on learning from each other, on nurturing and delighting in the electricity generated by all their positive energy. Men always seem to be fearing stabs in the back. I have always said that boys need brothers more than girls need sisters because girls will always find sisters wherever they go but men find it much harder to find men friends whom they can truly trust and let down their guard with.

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