Ripple, Wrinkle or Blip

Last night, while taking a hot shower to wash away all my worries, I began to imagine what my life will be like one year from now, January 23rd, 2012, after the surgery, chemo and cancer treatments.  I felt a pang, wanting to fast forward and jump ahead simply bypassing the months in front me to a new healthy life, cancer free.  I imagined that one day I will look back at this moment in my life as a ripple in time, a blip on the radar, old news, memories of long gone.  Then, in typical Deanne style, I laughed out loud as I realized that the actual saying is a “wrinkle in time,” not a “ripple in time.” 

I always get these sayings wrong.  I used to think that “homemade” was “whole made” and “pet peeve” was “pet pea”.  My friend Isis (center of picture) does this all the time as well, but she has a good excuse. She is from Belgium and Flemish is her primary language.  One day at the park, she was ready to leave so she blurted out, “let’s blow up this taco stand” in her sexy Flemish accent.  We all cracked up.  She was close.  It is actually, “let’s blow this taco stand.”  According to Urban Dictionary, it means let’s “get the heck out of this place.”  There is nothing in the dictionary about blowing it up in the process. 

I looked up “wrinkle in time” as well.  Besides it being a great book that I read to my kids many years ago, it has another definition I’m not about to tell you.  I’m too much of a lady but you can look it up yourself.  And of course, that definition is not what I meant.

When I used the term ripple or wrinkle (whatever), I was thinking more along the lines of being faced with a stubborn wrinkle that simply needs to be starched and ironed out, or a blip on the radar that will hopefully be insignificant and mostly forgotten in years to come, old news like memories in a photo album that someday my family will get out and reminisce over.  “Hey Mom, “Remember when you had cancer?”  “Remember when you lost all your hair?”  “Remember that ugly wig?”  “Remember when all your friends brought us food and you couldn’t eat any of it ‘cause you were on some weird microcosmic, macroscopic, marcopolo diet?  Remember Chris Farley SNL skits?

Of course, cancer is nothing like this.  It is a life changing event.  I will never be the same again.  Cancer causes you to not only think about the bigger picture but to actually pursue answers to some very deep questions that lead to the bigger picture.  Why am I here?  What do I want?  How do I want to live the second half of my life?  It is huge!  There is a lot of soul searching, demons to face and inner work to be done while fighting cancer.  Not a simple ripple, wrinkle or blip. More like an earthquake, tsunami and tornado all rolled into one. 

And the scary part, there is no way around it. No fast forwarding.  The only way to the other side is through.  I find myself on my own epic journey of self discovery, not unlike the three siblings in the book, “A Wrinkle in Time”, who went on a heroic journey to find their missing father, and in the meanwhile they found themselves. What would have become of Frodo Baggins, Luke Skywalker and Harry Potter if they had fast forwarded?

No, I will accept my journey ahead, in typical Deanne style, starting with my mastectomy on Monday, February 7th at 7:30 am.  It won’t be fast or easy or a simple ripple or a straightforward wrinkle or a passing blip but it is mine and I will own it.  And some day in the future, my kids will say, “Mom, remember when you kicked some cancer ass?  Thank you,” they will say as we sit down to our Christmas Eve dinner with chop sticks in hand and all of my beautiful grandchildren.

9 Responses to “Ripple, Wrinkle or Blip”

  1. Bob Tarmac Says:

    You know I will be with you, and thinking of you throughout your entire journey. All my support and good health wishes.

  2. Tina Says:

    You will not be alone on Feb 7th at 7:30am.

  3. RosaMaria Cordova Says:

    I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!! Remember you are not alone.
    Love, RosaMaria

  4. Isis Says:

    You blow up that cancer taco stand girlfriend!!! ;-)

  5. clare Says:

    Having a date seems as scary as the diagnosis. I find it weird that for one person that date will mean a birthday or a new job or their turn to take out the trash or nothing at all, but it is so huge for you. This is something all of your friends wish we could lift with you and wish that we could physicically do more to relieve your pains than just love you to pieces. And in answer to your questions: You are here because the world needs more fabulous people and what you are going to do with the second half of your life is to go on singing and dancing your heart out and showing your friends and children by example all that they can achieve. And I’m still waiting to see allyou daisies hit the big time.

  6. Raundi Says:

    You made me laugh and cry. You and and your Marcopolo diet. I know you will come out of this stronger, wiser, healthier and happier. Cuz that’s just the way you fly, girl. I am so proud to know you.

  7. Terry Says:

    You will be in our thoughts and prayers as usual my friend…I remember when my sister had her breast done the Dr lifted her other one so they would both look the same……she said her boobs looked better then her 15 year old daughters!…lol Take care oxxoxoxo

  8. Mom Says:

    A very dear friend of mine who lives in Florida and reads your blogs sent me an e-mail a couple of days ago. She said “Deanne has a real handle on how to tackle this challenge and with her determination, good care and sense of humor, she will be fine”. You also made me laugh and cry and once again so very proud of you. Only a week and a half and Dad and I will be there for you and the family. I don’t know what you want when this is all behind us but I do know why you are here. You have made this world a better place for sooooooo many people and I can’t even imagine not having you as my daughter. Do you remember our favorite Christmas movie “It’s a wonderful Life” when Bailey thought his family would be better off if he had never been born? You have touched more lives then you will ever know. I love you.

  9. Aunt Marilyn Says:

    Just sending lots of love Honey!
    My hand is in a bandage like a boxing glove so this is a
    short but very strong message of love and prayers.

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