My Big Bang Theory

Worlds Colliding!

It’s the friends you can call up at 4:00 am that matter….Marlene Dietrich

I haven’t been on Facebook for over a week.  My E-mail inbox is overflowing.  I am a week late with my blog.  I missed my son’s band, Mother Function, perform at OCHELLA.  I thought I had a blood clot.  Food taste like cardboard and I can’t seem to be vertical for more than five minutes.  To sum it all up, “I feel like poo.” 

Yes, poo.  These are not my words.  These are the candid words of Sheila Joyner, an adorable petite fiery red head from Louisiana I met last week while touring around Laguna Beach with my Phoenician girlfriends.  My bald head, acting again as a beacon of light, caught Sheila’s attention.  She offered to take a picture of us.  Five giddy girlfriends, the sun shining, a breeze gently blowing, and the big blue ocean acting as a canvas for new opportunity.  It was a picture perfect day. 

Laguna Beach - picture taken by Sheila

Main Beach in Laguna

After disrupting the flow on the sidewalk taking more than a few pictures, Sheila shared her story of how she overcame incredible odds, kicking both lung and breast cancer in the ass only to come back and beat and defeat two cardiac arrests so she could be around to see her now pre-med daughter give the commencement speech as valedictorian of her high school.  Her fiery personality matched with the most captivating sweet southern accent and an incredible will to live stole my heart. 

Meeting Sheila helped me stay strong this week while chemo tried to bring me down. 

She was not my only source of strength this week.  My girlfriends came to my rescue as well and I was able to start this week with a bang.  I am one of those lucky girls that have lots of friends, truly genuine friends.  You know the kind.  They know everything about you, I mean everything, and still love you.  As Elbert Hubbard, writer, philosopher and artists says, “A friend is one that knows you and loves you just the same!”

My friends have taken such care to make sure that I am not running on empty while fighting this battle.  They send me cards, gifts, sweet texts, flowers, dinner, facebook messages and love on a daily basis.  Sara, Stacy, Julie and Cathy decided to kick it up a notch and fly over from Phoenix to spend Memorial Day Weekend with me.  I have known these women since I was a little girl.  We have been through so much together, many drunken nights, heartbreaks, girl’s weekends, weddings, babies, moves, job changes, death, divorce and now cancer.

I picked up my girlfriends at the airport on Saturday morning.  We then spent the entire weekend with a Dave Matthews attitude, “Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die.”  I know it’s a bit morbid under the circumstances but it is true nonetheless.  Bloody Mary’s at brunch, carousing cute boutiques, strolls on the beach, covert conversations, a sidesplitting afternoon chick flick that has me scared for life, happy hour at the harbor and the grand finale, a Daisy Chain performance. 

Mimosas in San Juan Capistrano

A Tour of San Juan Capistrano Mission

Happy Hour at Dana Point Harbor

Dana Point Harbor

This was the highlight of my weekend, a private concert at my home with my best friends. 

Daisy Chain w/ special guest Riley

Sara, Stacy, Julie and Cathy meet Raundi, Isis, Debi, and Amy.  (Diana and Michelle were sorely missed.)  This was the moment my two worlds collided.  Phoenix girls meet Cali girls.  Past meets present.  It doesn’t get more awesome than this, a perfect collision.  Hugs, laughter, dancing, and singing filled my home and my heart.  Honestly, the energy created by these women coming together could fuel the Hadron Supercollider in Switzerland.  I’m certain a new universe was created.   A Re-enactment of the Big Bang!  Expanding.  Reaching.  Creating. 

This got me to thinking.  What is the Big Bang exactly?  It may seem that I am off on a strange tangent right now but when you are sick in bed for days at a time you have a lot of time to think.  So here I go, please bear with me.

Our universe is thought to have begun as an infinitesimally small, infinitely hot, infinitely dense, something – a singularity around 13.7 billion years ago. Singularities are zones which defy our current understanding of physics. They are thought to exist at the core of “black holes.” Where did it come from? We don’t know. Why did it appear? We don’t know.

After its initial appearance, it apparently inflated (the “Big Bang”), expanded and cooled, going from very, very small and very, very hot, to the size and temperature of our current universe. It continues to expand and cool to this day and we are inside of it: incredible creatures living on a unique planet, circling a beautiful star clustered together with several hundred billion other stars in a galaxy soaring through the cosmos, all of which is inside of an expanding universe that began as an infinitesimal singularity which appeared out of nowhere for reasons unknown. 

For some reason this wondrous explanation of the beginning of our universe blows me away.  It is difficult to wrap my brain around, but I see a beautiful analogy.  Friends like singularities defy our understanding.  It just is, like love.  That is what friends do for me.  That is what love does for me.  This infinitely hot, infinitely dense something is the foundation in which we build our lives, grow, reach, expand, and create.  Without friends, without love, we cool, contract.  With friends, with love, we grow, expand.  Life is growth.  When you stop growing you stop living.     

Ok, I’m done.  I have a tendency of driving my kids crazy with my theories.  What some people call common sense, I like to take to another level, and over analyze it to death. 

But, in spite of my ability to complicate the simple, my friends still love me and I love my friends.  They feed my soul, give me energy and help me stay strong in times like these.  They have been with me through thick and thin and they continue to stick with me as I cool and expand, take a step forward and take a step back.  As Oprah said, “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”  This week was not easy for me but it would have been a lot more difficult if it had not started with a bang.  Simply stated, it doesn’t take a super collider to create this energy.  It just takes super friends, new and old! 

By the way, Sara said she feels like she hit the big time if someone mentions her by name in a blog.  So, here you go!  Sara!  Sara!  Sara!  Sara!  Sara!  Sara!  Sara! It is the least I can do after everything you have done for me.

A Feast at The Cottage in Laguna Beach

My girls re-meet Riley

Hanging at the hotel

Julie and Sara front of my home

Bloody Mary's at The Fisherman in San Clemente

6 Responses to “My Big Bang Theory”

  1. Mom Says:

    This was the best blog yet. I was there, Deanne is awesome! I was sad that I couldn’t be there with all her girlfriends together, because honestly, I feel like one of them. I’m not, I’m Deanne’s Mom! But I cannot tell you all how much I appreciate all of your friendships to my daughter. And to me! You all hold a special place in my heart – I love you all.

  2. Linda Earl Says:

    The most beautiful discovery true friends can make is that they can grow separately without
    growing apart. The friendships you share with your girlfriends are the best!

  3. Raundi Says:

    Bravo! I’d rather take the bus with you than ride in a limo with anyone else.

  4. Julie Waters Says:

    As always, this blog is beautifully written… You truly have such an amazing talent. Our collective friendships – with each other, Sara, Stacy, Cathy, and Michelle – are a very precious and special gift. Each individual friendship is powerful, but put them all together and… Bang! Add to that mix the energy and love of your CA girls and… BIG BANG! We are all incredibly blessed to have found each other and still have each other in our lives.

  5. Stacy Says:

    Deanne, I could not have had a more wonderful weekend with you and all our Phoenix girls (minus our beloved Michigan girl but adding all your lovely California girls!) You were a spectacular hostess from beginning to end. We came with no expectations other than to see you, be with you, hear your stories and give you our undivided attention and love. But you, as only you can do, took it up to another level with your fantastic attitude and incredible energy!

    I love traveling and creating memories which usually are connected to meals and drinks! So this is how I shall remember our weekend:

    Saturday morning…The Cottage in Laguna Beach: french toast with bacon and eggs…bloody mary…lovely weather…and perhaps a poor shocked dining neighbor having to eavesdrop on our conversations…Deanne…!

    Saturday evening…several Blue Moons at a local dive bar in Dana Point followed by grilled shrimp tacos and wine at Harbor Grill…Deanne doing a little bait and switch with the poor diners and servers…seated with with wig and hat, then shhh wham bam: drinking wine and eating with bright shining bald head!

    Sunday morning…brunch at Fisherman’s in San Clemente with the water splashing below the dock we were sitting on…brrrr….cold…needed some good peppery bloody shelf please…with a ridiculously good Mexican omelet…muffins anyone??? Sara???

    Sunday afternoon matinee with some yummy espresso chocolate toffee treats, thank you Cathy! And the next time Sara is laughing so hard that it is unbecoming…she will surely excuse herself?!

    Sunday evening…chez Deanne…appetizers galore and entertainment extraordinaire from Daisy Chain with special guest artist Riley! Wonderful music, conversation and laughs with Deanne’s CA and AZ worlds colliding! I think that was a success! So many different and unique women from all over with different lives, backgrounds, perspectives, occupations came together through our mutual love for Deanne and it could not have been more fun!

    Monday brunch…Cedar Creek restaurant in San Juan Capistrano…Turkey Supreme and a little bit of Monte Cristo envy…

    Ok I believe that sums up my culinary experiences from our weekend! I am so glad we could be there and keep you distracted from the chemo treatment you had coming up! You know if we lived closer we would bombard you with attention, help, food and all the things we know your CA girls are doing for you!

    Thank you so much for the gift of that weekend we will all remember forever! And thank you to Raundi, Isis, Debi, and Amy (Diana and Michelle we will have to meet another time!) for playing your wonderful music for us! I am so glad we got to FINALLY meet and put faces and voices to the names we have heard about for so long! Until next time!
    PS Maureen – we all wished we could have seen you too!!!!

  6. Cathy Says:

    Beautifully put, Deanne! and Stacy, too! OK, so, just in case anyone thinks it was in any way a sacrifice to come out and hang out with a dear friend who is in the midst of a battle with cancer, well… you would be wrong. We were all so lucky to spend a beautiful weekend with one of the most upbeat and loving people in the world, in beautiful Southern California.

    Deanne, you are indeed an excellent host. I think you get that from your mom (Hi Maureen! xoxo). Yes, we were all ready to be there for you, to help you through the struggle with chemo, or listen if you just needed to vent, whatever you needed. It seemed what you needed most was to celebrate! It was hands-down one of the best weekends I’ve had in a long time. Thank you, Deanne! I loved meeting all of your awesome California girlfriends, and can’t wait to meet Diana. Michelle, we missed you and talked of you often during the weekend (what would Michelle say right about now…?).

    Deanne, you are truly an inspiration and an amazing friend!

    And by the way, if you ever do want us there during the not-so-great time, after the chemo, when you are feeling like poo, you know we will be there in a heartbeat. Love you!


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>